You're a coward, but so am I.

I think I'm becoming who they think I will and thought I would
but I can't be sure
so I'm trying not to be afraid of being a phony
because we are all phonies at sometime or another and that's not even a joke

and that's not just me trying to sound like Holden Caulfield
it's just that if something has already been said well, why mess it up?
I read the classics. I like them.
I grew up on Bette Davis and I wanted to be Linda Ronstadt at one point.
Still kinda do.
I wish I could be mean like Dorothy Parker.

I'm drinking whiskey at 9am.
I'm sitting here looking at the weird wonderfulness of this thing
this being twenty five
and loving it
and hating it
so much
and wishing I had the courage to live it and not ever want to apologize
because I fall in and out of love so quickly.
I forget the good things I learned
I remember them and then they're gone again.

You were too handsome
we all decided it
before you ever even made your move.
It was beyond fun. Really. It was.
I don't even know what to do with myself right now because I'm so afraid if I laugh or cry or say it too loudly I'll lose it. This thing.

I remember laughing and wanting to just be there
all there
and in a way I was
and I'm glad
and in a way right then I wasn't the biggest coward in the world.

A Reminder:

1. Raise your eyes

2. Enunciate

3. Have more fun than you thought you'd have

4. Be someone's favorite

5. Be inspired

6. Get curious

7. Be on time

8. Know a good joke

9. Be yourself

10. Laugh at yourself

11. Like what you like

12. Know that "normal" is a relative term

13. Take on new challenges

14. Really talk

15. Really listen

A Night Mid July.

I fill my mind til bursting
in pressures of receiving, retrieving
cramming a brain-full into already tight confines.
I remember little. From so much.
I remember a crash, a broken promise,
a once-beautiful girl.
I remember laughing
and trying to make everyone realize how
funny life is.

I trip through.
Filling my mind,
knowing I will not remember,
knowing that much will be sacrificed,
because we are mere humans
and being human can suck.

But that humanity is our confine.

We fill our bodies, our minds,
we try to be alive, alert, knowledgeable.

I recall a night it rained mid-July.
Was that normal? Doesn't matter.

Living and writing it down,

but not wanting it to sound real.

Breathing and thinking and hoping that everyone feels as crazy and good and blessed and bizarre and ungrateful as you do.

Speaking to a stranger on the bus and not noticing the rip in his overcoat or ignoring the slur on his tongue when he tries to tell you about his life and how his wife left. She was beautiful.

Taking what you're given because you're too shy to get what you really want, or you don't want to come across as pushy, because that's just what people do sometimes.

Not speaking what is in your mind, even though you both know what isn't being said.

Becoming what you are SUPPOSED to become, not what you dreamed about under the sailboat quilt in your childhood bedroom.

Realizing that a dream is just that: a dream. Until you do something about it.

Not being able to see the worst in people, even though they lie, they're scared, and they break your heart.

Going slow and just noticing: the way babies unabashedly stare each other down; how most people don't seem to care that they're talking really loud about really personal things in really public areas; the way saying I love you sounds so simple, but just feeling it can save your life.

Just an idea I had.

Marry me.
Let's live on a boat,
Sail always.
Let's live off granola and
cheap wine and
the warmth of our bodies.
Let's just laugh and
be young and be
us.

So long, Farewell.

Au revoir Dressember, bonjour 2012!
In closing this month of dresses I just want to say how much fun this was! Thanks for the non-stop inspiration, Bythe Hill, Amy Hood, and all the other ladies who participated!  I can't wait til next year.

[Day 30. Glow-in-the-dark Golfing parking lot. NDB.]

[Day 31. Happy New Year's Eve!]

[Detail shot. Because I actually painted my nails.]

Almost there.

Can't believe Dressember is almost over!

Becoming obsessed.

So Leah and I (as previously mentioned) have spent a copious amount of time watching the Lord of the Rings movies this past week. We've seen them (way too??) many times. But as we finished the last one today we, as always, came away with so many questions. Having neither of us read the books (I know, I know!) we have decided that we're going to officially read them all and become obsessed. The deciding factor was finding this website containing a forum called The Council of Elrond after typing a few queries into Google. Such a wonderful place. This is why the internet was invented. We're sold.

Also: Dressember 28!

Merry merry.

My Dressembering has taken another hiatus! Alas, I've been under the weather (STILL) and have spent the past four days or so wrapped in a blanket on the couch watching The Lord of the Rings trilogy, then dragging myself to work and back. Pretty un-photogenic stuff.
However, despite my pathetic state, I enjoyed a lovely Christmas! Some surprise presents from friends on Christmas Eve (massage and facial, anyone?), then two days at Beth and James' house! Smoked salmon, Scrabble, gifts, LOTR, Beth's banana bread, and several "plays" by the kids. (Starring Nathaniel as Joseph, Megan as Mary, Katy as the donkey and Shane as baby Jesus. It doesn't get much better.)

Also: Cat Thing. The newest member of our family. Probably the best thing ever. He has diamond eyes.

I hope you are enjoying a lovely holiday and I wish you many blessings for the new year!

2012: Bring it!

This should be a 3-fer.

All right I admit I missed another Dressember day. Boo.
Yesterday I was ensconced in the living room making Christmas cards all day--in my sweats--so the only time I actually put on clothes was to go to work that night. Plus, I was feeling sorta under the weather. My sincere apologies, Dressember.
So here are Today and Tuesday's dresses!

Tuesday night we went the The River of Lights in Old Town. They basically cover everything in the Botanical Gardens with Christmas lights. It was really lovely! Kind of reminded me (a liiittle bit) of Disneyland. Also: Irish coffee. Then some Tuesday karaoke to finish off the evening. Woop!

Today was mostly work-related. Then it was off to Beth and James' for Las Posadas, which is a nine day celebration preceding Christmas which is hosted by a different family each night. Basically it's a reenactment of Mary and Joseph's pre-Christmas journey--trying to find a place at the inn. Traditional songs, food, etc. Love.

Just call me Ernie McCracken.

Christmas cookie extravaganza with Beth and the kids today.

Me: I'm feeling sort of run-down.
Beth: Here, take some vitamins.
Me: Thanks.

-Later-
Beth: Do you wanna take some of these cookies home with you?
Me: I dunno I've kinda been living off cookies. There's always tons at work and I just eat em all day.
Beth: Uhh no wonder you feel run down.


Just finished off this lovely snowy day with some bowling and air hockey.
I scored 120 on the last round.
Yeah, I bowl.

Sunday Funday.

Another work-clothes-only day yesterday. It seems there are far too many of those these days!
Happy Sunday!

Excuse me, ma'am.

Just be close at hand.

Well that'll serve me right for singing Dusty Springfield at karaoke Tuesday night. "BELIIEEVE MEE! BELIEEVE MEE!" has been echoing about the apartment for two days. Ask Leah. She even joined in.
Sorry I missed Dressember 14. It was another strictly work clothes day. Meh.

I am kinda liking this brisk weather we're having! It's warmed up A LOT this week. From 19 degrees to a crisp 44! Yessss.
P.S. Thank you, MOM for the snugly thermal tights! Best ever!

I still wanna big bear hug you.

Happy Monday.

Well it's official: school is over for the semester!
Now: home, shower, pj's, The Office reruns, bed.

Back in the saddle.

Sorry for the bit of Dressember hiatus. The past few days have been without a spare moment. On Friday I stumbled out of bed and to school, then jetted right to work, so no picture evidence of my outfit exists. Same thing yesterday. I worked 7-3, then went straight to pick out a Christmas tree with Beth and James and the family--in my work clothes. Sorry, Dressember! I'll bring a change of clothes JUST IN CASE from now on!
Anyway, on with it! I got me and Leah an extremely cute apartment-sized tree that we're really excited about decorating. Bring on Christmas break!!

Absolutely.

Bulls Eye.

Long long long day! We're on the home stretch; so pumped for this semester to be over! Just a quick snap here before I snuggle into my sweats and the biggest, fuzziest, warmest socks I can find.

Just like Dad used to say.

Growing up in the essentially winter-less confines of Orange County, the question "should I bring a sweater?" was merely one uttered casually while skipping out the door into a 55 degree winter day. But here, in a high-desert, above sea-level climate, this question (edited slightly) is one of grave importance.
Here it would come out more like, "should I bring another coat?" or "are two sweaters enough?"

While getting dressed this morning and pulling on that fourth pair of tights, I was reminded of something my Dad used to say: "Don't be ashamed to be warm!" And after trekking about the city on this lovely 17 degree Tuesday, I'd just like to thank him. Because, after donning literally ten layers of clothing, I remained comfortably warm as snow brushed my cheeks and my breath billowed in clouds about me. Dad, you were right. And I wasn't ashamed.